The Perks of Being a Wallflower enlightened me.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

what if nothing ever changed

Everyone thinks they've got it harder than anyone else, but everyone has their problems. There's been a lot going on recently, and too many changes is scaring me. I wish my dad wasn't such a douche bag because of how broken my mom is. She needs someone who really cares for her.
Yesterday, i filled out an application and had a job interview and it was one of the scariest experiences of my life. I'm not ready to grow up yet and stop depending on others. I want to be a little kid again who has no idea what's really going on and be able to trust and love my dad again. I hate that feeling that nothing will ever be the same again. Even though many people think I'm strong, and mature for my age, I'm falling apart between my dad leaving, growing up and getting a job, and moving. I just want to escape for a while... even though I just got home from seven weeks of vacation. After being home for three days, I'm ready to turn back around and ignore everything bad again.
I wish life was perfect and friends were always there and people stayed the same. I really do.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

here comes the sun

I wish I updated this more, but I can never find anything to say. I really don't have much of a life. I can't find a hobby or anything that I'm good at, so I spend my days on Facebook and Netflix. My daily routine never really changes except for occasionally going out for dinner or going to see a movie. Everyone in my family is finally moving on and doing things, and my mom is always busy with her schoolwork. Sometimes I feel ignored, but I remember that everyone has things of their own to do, and they all have feelings too. Everything is not about me. I think a lot of people forget that. All of my siblings have someone now, though, so it's hard to find time to do things with them. My computer has become my best friend, and i hate it. I miss doing things with people. I miss feeling good about myself. I miss talking to people that mean a lot to me. I miss having real friends instead of internet friends. I miss being able to actually express myself in the real world. I'm tired of constantly watching movies, and just seeing all of their happy endings. I'm ready for my happy beginning.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

see the world

I really want to travel one day. And I know everyone says that and few really do it, but I think I will. I can't see myself in a relationship anytime soon, and I'm perfectly fine with that. There's so many things out there that I think a lot of people don't even think about. I have no idea what I even want to do with my life but I guess that's okay since I'm only a freshman in high school.
I am afraid that the world is going to fall apart before I can do anything amazing with my life. I don't think the world will end in December of 2012 or anything, but I do believe the world is completely going to hell. With everything happening in Japan on top of the riots that just happened in Africa, and the overpopulation in India, and the poverty and starvation everywhere, who knows how much longer we have?
My mom was telling me today about all of the children dying in Africa from problems that are completely curable if they had the right medications. But what if we did send teams over to care for these children and cure them? Then what? Then there will be even more people and even less food for everyone. What do we do about that problem? Yes, we've helped the children from those small problems, but now they'll starve, get aids, or just have horrible lives. The cycle never ends.
I wish people saw how important this earth was and tried a little harder to work together and help it.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

With a love like that, you know you should be glad

Why do we always have to be attracted to the people that don't feel the same way about us? Why can't we like the people that already like us a lot? The movies always have the happy endings, where both people fall in love with each other at the same time. Too bad it doesn't really work like that. They always say don't rush into things, and everything happens in its own time, but I'm tired of waiting.
I hate how everything seems like it's so important in high school, and everyone seems to think that they need to fall in love, and need to find the person they want to spend their life with in high school. And for some that might happen, but for most, it won't. There's still lots of time after high school. I want to go to college and find a nice job before i even think about love, but of course the heart doesn't work like that. Sometimes i wonder what life would be like if everyone still felt every emotion except love. People weren't attracted to others. There was no heart breaking. It was just a world of arranged marriages.
But i guess the world wouldn't be the same then. And i guess that's just not how it goes. So i guess you just need to try to be patient, and if that doesn't work, try your hardest to forget about the person. Except that never works either.
I guess what i'm trying to say is, you're pretty much screwed.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Ode to Solitaire

Every day, i sit in school and play hours worth of solitaire. Aren't we supposed to be learning in school? I sure thought so, but these days I think people are too busy thinking school is just another place to be social. Of course I enjoy talking to friends at school, too, but I do want to learn. No kid takes school seriously anymore. What if someone from the past, just a few decades ago, came back and saw what school has become? Some kids just use school as a place to exchange drugs, or to tell friends about how high they got last weekend. I just find it depressing that school isn't actually a learning tool anymore. Who comes home from school and immediately goes over everything new they learned that day? No one. We just start thinking about the next day, and how much we hate one of our teachers, or how bad of a teacher we have, and how much we truly aren't learning anymore. But at least i've almost mastered winning a game of solitaire. That just might be my greatest accomplishment this school year.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Facebook Takes Over Lives

Just like every other high schooler throughout the whole country, I'm very much addicted to Facebook.
Why do I care if my friend from second grade had dinner at some fancy restaurant that night? Who knows? I really don't, but still I read it, and read what everyone else has to say, too. And the truth is, its hardly ever anything even close to being important. 
Do I really care if some girl I've never even talked to is now in a relationship? Nope. 
Still, I continue to spend hours a day on Facebook, just reading people's posts and adding people from school that I've never actually met. 
Hopefully, one day, I'll actually know the reason why I'm drawn to spend so much time on Facebook.

Why do people write blogs?

People create blogs all over the world everyday. So why follow mine? To tell you the truth, I have no idea why you'd want to follow mine. I may seem like just another high school freshman, which I am, at some times, and I just might enlighten you at others. I really don't have anything important to say at most times.